Baby Showers for Second Babies?
Tuesday March 1, 2005
Baby showers for second babies is a hot topic in many parenting circles! Some see it as a right of pregnancy, while others feel parents should reuse baby products from the first child and not ask for more gifts from friends and family. Whether your opinion is firmly pro or con, or you think circumstances play a big role in second baby shower etiquette, voice your opinion on this controversial issue in a new Baby Products poll!
Comments
Why wouldn’t you have a shower for the second child? What if the second child is of a different sex? Duh!
Why would you need all new baby stuff just because your new baby is a different gender? Personally, I’d rather buy neutral items that can be used again than ask my friends to buy me the same stuff they did before, only in a different color!
You all suck. 2nd babies are people too.
A celebration should be given for every new child. Also, 2nd showers are necessary for many. Some items are worn out or broken, and the couple will surely appreciate any help they can get in providing new items. I don’t find it tacky at all!
I think gift-giving has gotten out of control. I totally understand the new life being celebrated, so honor the new baby & mom w/a brunch/luncheon. I just got invited to a friend’s second shower (and she registered again). Her first little girl is two and we got her a $100 gift the first time. Her new baby is a girl as well and I think it’s tacky to ask people AGAIN for gifts. I was going to get her a little something anyway (just as a good friend/family member would), but a shower makes people feel obligated.
Well, I think it is ridiculous. No one said 2nd babies weren’t people. A 2nd shower is tacky and rude. I don’t care what the sex of the baby is. My niece is having a baby and we are having a shower for her. Now, another niece is also having her 2nd baby in 4 years and they are going to include her in the shower. That’s crap. She has everything. There’s nothing to buy, but the diapers, and I don’t think it’s right for her to have another shower. Heck, my sister had a baby 3 years ago and had not had a shower since her first was born 10 years before that. She didn’t have a shower because it was not her first child. People just want, want, want…that’s what it amounts to. Ridiculous.
I see a second baby shower as more of a good excuse to have a social celebration. I have a 2 1/2 yr old and am pregnant again. We saved all the big ticket items and don’t need much- but we just found out we’re having twins! So now we DO need some more things! Is it so inappropriate to ask guests to come and celebrate and bring some diapers?? It sure would be appreciated!
To me it seems rude and greedy.
I think 2nd baby showers are a bit tacky… I am in a Mom’s Group where FIVE women are pregnant with their 2nd babies and somehow it’s been decided that they should all get Baby Showers even though they all have an older child that is less than three years old. It just smacks of greediness to me. I am reluctantly attending (Who wants to be the stick in the mud?) but am only bringing a modest gift to them. (One outfit and a rattle) I had my two kids 18mths apart and NATURALLY had no shower for #2 and I didn’t mind and would’ve been embarrased if someone would’ve wanted to shower me with gifts… Sigh… There are just NO RULES with regards to etiquette anymore and it makes you crazy!
Those of you who think 2nd baby showers are “tacky” and “greedy,” what do you think about baby showers where people are specifically asked not to bring gifts, because you already do have everything from the first kid. Sometimes people just want a reason to have a party, and celebrating the new baby is certainly a good reason to have one. As a second child myself, I STILL have lingering resentment over how UNcelebrated non-first children can be!
My daughter is almost 4 yrs old and with her shower, I registered for all neutral items, as we planned on having a 2nd child and I too thought a second shower/registry was tacky. However, I am pregnant and we are having twin boys. Now I did keep all of the baby items, but obviously we need doubles of some things and seeing as they are boys, we will have to buy all new clothing, etc. I felt and still feel a little odd about registering again. My friend and mom are throwing us a “sprinkle” (how my family refers to subsequent showers) and everyone was telling me to register. I thought about it for a long time and have decided to register for a few items.. nothing extensive and my husband and I are buying everything else. To be honest, I don’t care if people don’t bring gifts, I just want to celebrate this miracle with my close friends and family! I don’t think that is selfish or tacky.
I think that you should only have a second shower if the baby is a different gender. I dont feel in that sense that it is greedy if you have a boy then two years later or so have a little girl you really dont have anything for that child!! maybe some of you would like to dress you boy and girl the same but if i had a little girl i would want her in dresses and pretty pink things and for a boy blues and reds polo and shorts!!! Whats the use in buying neutral things the you have the idiots of america calling your little boy a girl and you little boy a girl!!! Its just for some people and not for others, but in no way is it tacky or greedy!!!!
Did anyone consider the idea that maybe the first child’s crib is a lifetime crib and his bedroom furniture all matches? That is our situation. To get the safest crib possible we are going to need quite a bit of money, and believe me, our second child will be sleeping in it until college.
Additionally, we did not like the stroller from our first child. It steers into walls and we would like to get the one we originally wanted. You see, we were trying to make the dollar stretch.
It is not being greedy, it is wanting the best for your child and not going with cheap products you will need to replace.
My first child is almost 8 years older than his sister. Luckily, I had saved the crib and changing table and a few other baby items, but, we needed many of the items we had given away years ago. I’m not so caught up in the gender difference for buying new items–my daughter wears some of the clothes I saved from my son’s babyhood–but I do feel that a second shower is a big plus in some cases, such as ours.
I think jealousy is a major factor here!
I agree that more often than not, second showers come off looking greedy. I even had a hard time with the shower for my first. I was just overwhelmed by people’s generosity and thoughtfulness. In no way would I ever expect to have a shower like that again. But on the flip side, when my second baby is born I want him/her to feel just as special and celebrated as the first baby. I hope to have a second shower, but have it be more of a get together than a huge showering of gifts. Ok, really all I want is time with the girls, cake and that yummy punch with sherbet in it! I don’t need gifts, just good friends and family to celebrate with.
Why do some of you think it is your friend’s and family’s job to buy you items because you chose to have another child? Celebrate the new child with a brunch or luncheon but hitting everyone up for gifts a few short years after the birth of the first is greedy, selfish, and rude. You were already showered with gifts to get you started. The rest is up to you.
Just a thought - celebrate the 2nd child with a ‘casserole’ shower - Moms with 2 young children have trouble making the time stretch. Asking for gifts for any reason - another gender, twins, or “we didn’t like the old stuff….???!!!” is always tasteless
My husband and I are having a second child & now I’m wondering if I should have a baby shower for this second baby. To be honest we didn’t have a shower for the first one & we really struggled to find the money to get all the big things that we needed. We still don’t have all the items we need. It would have been nice to have a shower just to help with the smaller things like diapers & wipes. So, do I have one for the second baby since I didn’t have one for the first child? By the way, the first one is still in a crib & diapers. I don’t want to be rude or greedy, but we could sure use the help.
I couldn’t care less what anyone says, i am totally having another baby shower! I am due with my second this june and have a 16 month old at the moment. Many people did not attend the first one, and although i do have many things, i am blessed to be pregnant again and this baby deserves to be celebrated! I am putting on the invitations though **gifts appreciated but optional**. I hate that people think it is so wrong to be showered again when kids have birthday parties every year and you are obligated to buy a gift but no one questions that. this is ONE party! If people are looking at it as a greed factor and not taking into account that this is a celebration of life then they are the ones that have the character flaw because they can only think of it negatively. Every baby deserves to be celebrated!! Who cares what people think! I sure don’t and will have a blast at my second baby shower!
People have drama! Having a shower is hardly all about the gifts. If you feel you can’t go to a party without a gift that’s your problem - don’t go. When it comes to having babies “GREED”, and “TACKINESS” should not even be used in the same sentence! We all know how expensive having a baby is why would anyone think that the little bit of stuff you get from a shower could really fall into the category of being greedy! That’s ridiculous! I had 2 showers for my first and I still had plenty to buy and spend over the course of his 2 years so far on this earth. So what the second is just supposed to go unnoticed just because some people are too jealous to spend a couple dollars in honor of the baby? Well guess what Christmas and birthdays come every year - do you make a practice to tell your friends and loved ones oh we bought gifts for you last year so you won’t be getting any this year! Give me a break! I’m on my second pregnancy with my second boy and until now I was concerned at how another shower would be “perceived”, but after seeing some of these sad comments I will gladly be planning my shower and sending nicer invitations than the first. We have all that we need - and I don’t need anyone to spend a penny but this baby deserves to be celebrated and so does the fact that I have just about made it through yet another 9+ months of maternity clothes, sleepless nights and moderate discomfort - AMEN! And anyone who feels mad about it - you don’t have to send a gift or come to my party! Some people really need to learn the meaning of the gift of life and stop complaining about how you had to give up some happiness and cheer for someone and God forbid a lousy $25 bucks!
This is going to sound harsh, but maybe people who can’t afford to buy things that are needed for a baby shouldn’t be having a baby in the first place. It’s not the responsibility of others to provide for your children! Be thankful that you received gifts for your first child and leave it at that. Not having a shower doesn’t mean that the second child is any less celebrated! People who want to give gifts will do so with or without a shower. I like the idea of friends or family throwing a diaper shower for second-time (or more) parents. You still get the celebration without making people feel that they need to get you expensive gifts.
I think it depends on what you register for and what you are asking your guests for.
I personally have a 15 month old and am due with our second in May (both same gender). My family is throwing me a shower and asking only for diapers, wipes and one item I borrowed from a friend the first time around. (They also suggested giftcards to WalMart and Target) And a second stroller would come in handy, but I’m not registering for it!
I think the idea of replacing everything for the second child is a little ridiculous, but to classify every “second or subsequent” shower as rude is pretty generalistic. And quite narrow minded!
Having two children in this day and age is hard, especially for working moms. I have even seen where the second shower is thrown for Mommy and she gets pampering items.
Look—-to be perfectly honest, I have a generous and loving family and church family who wouldn’t hear of not showering their friends with things that would help them! And last I checked, someone else, out of the kindness of their hearts throws the shower, not the person having the baby. So if they are asked to register for items that help a shopper….then great. But just because someone has people in their lives that love them, support them and want to pour out blessings on them does NOT make them greedy! It makes them blessed!
I think that a second shower is wonderful. Especially if the 2nd baby is a different gender. I have a 16 month old girl and am due the end of may with a boy. We don’t have any clothes for the new baby. All of the big things like the swing and crib are all neutral, but we have to buy all new clothes. We moved to a new church (my husband is in ministry) a month before our daughter was born and we had already had 2 showers and didn’t really know our new church family very well so we didn’t have a shower the first time. I think it is completely appropriate in this situation to have another shower because we never had one with our church family the first time.
I think this is a pretty funny thing to argue about. I think that if you don’t want to buy a gift for someone stop trying to be a people pleaser and don’t buy it. If you do then buy away bottom line is it’s the thought that counts either way. I had my first daughter on 02 I am due with my 2nd in aug09 that is 7 years and I could not even begin to tell you where her baby things are. Most of the items I gave away to friends and family that needed them. I would love to have another shower since I have nothing and I’m sure that between family and friends i will have a great celebration. If people decide not to bring a gift that will not hurt my feelings in the least, I will just be happy to see them. I have a cousin that had her 2 girls back to back and we had a shower for both babies. On the second shower invite it was made clear that gifts were not needed we just wanted to have a party to lift her spirits because she was so tired of being pregnant at that point lol. Lots of people gave money in cards and that was thoughtful. Just have fun and celebrate the gift God gives us!
WOW… Im very surprised by the comments on both sides of this subject.
I find it rude that people EXPECT others to bring gifts, or to buy there expensive items… thats not why you have a shower.
I also find it dumb that some of you wanna complain about it being tacky or greedy for someone to have a second shower… if you feel that way dont buy a gift. Its that simple. Dont complain that the mother wants to celebrate another HUGE blessing in her life and you felt obligated to buy something.
To me a baby shower is for friends and family to get together and be happy about another baby in this world. Not to feel resentment against someone cause they chose to buy a gift.
Bottom line… have a shower for your first and for all the others after… celebrate the upcoming blessing and new life in your life. Make that time fun and neither the pregnant woman or the guests should feel bad, guilty or resentful when its all over with.
I think having two showers is fine. Having a shower doesnt mean you HAVE to buy something. I would think that if your sister or friend were pregnant with her first or her fifth you would probably buy her a little something anyway, so why is it such a big deal if someone wants to make a party out of it.
If you dont wanna buy someone a gift then dont and quit complaining about it.
Well, I guess in my opinion, a shower the second time around should be a more modest affair than for a first timer. Yes, it’s nice to receive gifts, but that’s not really the purpose of a baby shower is it?! It’s more to celebrate something special - a new life! - and to lift mommies spirits!
I don’t consider myself greedy, but would like very much to have a baby shower for my second child. My daughter will be almost 8 when my son will be born this July. I never thought that I would have more children after being a single mom for many years. I am re-married now with a child on the way much to my surprise! I am lucky in that my sister happens to have a very young son I will inherit many things from - but I will probably register at Target or somewhere cheap for specific items I may be lacking (after 8 years!) Who saves baby stuff after 8 years?!
BTW, even though my sis has a 9, 6 & 10 month old, I got her something every time, even if we didn’t have a “full blown” baby shower for her subsequent 2!
I have hear both side and I found that the best way to celebrate a new second chiold and help out teh parents without seeming “greedy” is to have a Baby “Sprinkle”. This is just a Shower but scaled down. No big items should be registered for but getting small essentials ie: diapers, wipes, and new clothes is acceptable and not looked upon as greedy as others have suggested.